The Challenges of Trying to Serve

Life has been busy lately, but it has been good. It has been about six months since Jill and I moved to Raleigh, and I am convinced that the Lord brought us here for several reasons. I was convinced of this before we left Chicago, but I am even more convinced of it now. The Lord has helped to strengthen our marriage, and He has also helped to strengthen us individually. Jill is still experiencing some challenges at work, but there is hope that the situation will improve soon, and she has certainly grown as a result of these challenges. My anxiety and depression have virtually disappeared, which is incredible, and my studies are coming along well. Furthermore, my relationship with the Lord has grown considerably the last few months, and I believe that Jill's has as well. These are wonderful blessings, and it is obvious to me that the Lord brought Jill and me to Raleigh, at least in part, to work these blessings for us. But this raises an important question: what are we to do with these blessings?

Jill and I have found it very difficult to serve in Raleigh, and in this respect, life has continued to be quite challenging. I have attempted to volunteer with more than a dozen organizations and churches; and, though I have now been approved as a Big Brother, it has been hard to find ways to serve in Raleigh. Many organizations and churches have simply ignored emails and applications, while others have said that they have no use for me. Jill and I each feel that we have been blessed with certain spiritual gifts, and we want to use our gifts to serve both inside and outside the church. I think that I can honestly say that we have very little interest in receiving praise for our gifts - we genuinely want to serve. But this has been difficult.

I believe that my spiritual gifts principally lie in teaching. I haven't written about this on the blog, but I will soon graduate with my PhD in philosophy from Yale University, and I have five years of experience teaching college students: four at Yale, and one at a small liberal arts college in Illinois. I was not good at teaching when I began, and I still have a lot to learn. However, I think that I can honestly say that I am now a good teacher. And, though my graduate degree is in philosophy, I believe that I have a gift for teaching the Bible. I have spent many years reading the Bible, and I have also spent many years studying biblical criticism, biblical interpretation, theology, and church history. Such study is a prerequisite for being a qualified Bible teacher, but teaching the Bible well requires more than this. In particular, it requires a true passion for the Bible. It also requires an ability to make the Bible interesting and accessible to those who may not already know much about it. I believe that I possess both of these qualities. I have a great passion for the Bible; and, I believe that I am often successful in communicating the wonder, beauty, and depth of the Bible to others, even when it comes to books like Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, and Judges. Furthermore, I believe that I can present the Bible in a competent, engaging way without getting embroiled in controversial issues of theology or biblical interpretation. My own views on the Bible are quite liberal in certain respects, but I never promote my own ideas when teaching the Bible. Instead, I concentrate on the text in front of me, and I believe that I can usually teach the text well, and in a way that is fully orthodox. 

When I look around the church, I see a serious need for Bible teachers, but it has been very hard for me to find ways to use my teaching gifts. In some ways, this is understandable. After all, I don't expect that pastors should welcome lay persons to teach classes on the Bible unless they have established themselves in their congregations; and, even then, I fully understand that pastors may be reluctant to allow even credentialed lay persons to teach classes on the Bible. The reason is simple - the Bible is often interpreted badly, and pastors shouldn't take risks when it comes to the religious education of their congregations. At the same time, I believe that pastors could introduce various measures to ensure that lay teachers are providing solid, reliable instruction. And again, the church badly needs Bible teachers. I am continually shocked at the ignorance of Scripture even in Reformed congregations. I have spoken to many pastors in the area about the possibility of teaching Bible classes, but these conversations haven't been very promising. I have also spoken with numerous Christians in Raleigh about starting a small group dedicated to Bible study, but these conversations haven't been very promising either. I won't go into all the details, but I have found it very hard the last few years to use my teaching gifts in the service of the church. And that has been hard to deal with. Again, I have no interest in being praised as a gifted teacher. I only want to help other Christians to grow in their knowledge and love of Scripture.

What about outside the church? How can I use my teaching gifts to serve in a non-Christian setting? Well, I probably can't use my teaching gifts at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter, and that is perfectly fine. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find any volunteer opportunities at soup kitchens or homeless shelters. I will start volunteering as a Big Brother soon, and that is exciting, but there is another issue that is dear to my heart and that I wish I could do more for: LGBT rights. Yes, that's right, I am a committed Christian, and I love the Bible, but I am also a strong advocate for LGBT rights. I don't believe that homosexuality is sinful in any way; but, I also believe that most Christians who do believe that homosexuality is sinful are motivated more by homophobia than a genuine concern for Scripture in their opposition to LGBT rights. At any rate, I have tried to get involved with the LGBT community in Raleigh, but that hasn't gone very well either. Actually, I feel that my knowledge of the Bible, my experience with Christianity, and my teaching and research abilities would all be useful to the LGBT community, but I have felt constantly stymied in my attempts to help fight for LGBT rights and to dispel homophobia. I sometimes wonder whether people in the LGBT community are skeptical of me because I am a straight Christian. I don't think I could blame them for that. After all, straight Christians don't have a great track record when it comes to LGBT rights. But perhaps my faith and orientation aren't an issue. Perhaps I have been overly eager. Or perhaps people in the LGBT community simply aren't interested in my ideas. Whatever the reason, I have found it impossible thus far to contribute in any meaningful way to the LGBT movement. My emails tend to go unanswered or unnoticed. And, when I make suggestions at meetings, they don't seem to be received with much interest. Again, I don't have any interest in being recognized for my desire to help - I just want to follow my conscience.

So, I can't find opportunities to help the church or the LGBT community. And I am also having a hard time finding opportunities to help at soup kitchens and homeless shelters. I feel that the Lord has blessed me not only with gifts, but also with the opportunity to develop those gifts through my university education and teaching experience. And I have a great desire to use these gifts. But, to date, I have found very few opportunities to use my gifts, and this hasn't been for want of trying. I fully recognize that we only plant or water, and that the growth comes from God. In other words, we don't accomplish anything ourselves by the use of our gifts. Rather, God sometimes decides to use us to accomplish certain ends, and all good things are in His hands. Still, it can be painful to desire so strongly to help the church and one's fellow man yet find oneself constantly incapable of doing so. For much of my life, I was a self-absorbed jerk who couldn't be bothered to help others. Now I yearn to contribute something but lack the opportunity. I will keep praying for discernment. I will also examine myself for pride. And I will continue looking for new ways to serve. Perhaps the Lord wants me to help a community that I have previously ignored. I know that everything is in His hands, and that He will guide me to the place where He wants me if I am willing to listen with humility and obedience. Praise be to God.